For years now I’ve had a painting of an elephant hanging in a prominent place in my home. He has monarch butterfly wings and is flying with brightly colored hummingbirds amid a sky filled with bubbles. I spotted him and spent more than I should’ve at the time, because I knew as soon as I saw his whimsical joy that I wanted to look at him every single day.
Back then I was a newly single mom struggling to make ends meet and having just moved into our first rental as the four of us (myself and my three littles). Something about that elephant breaking free of everything that weighed him down and living his own daydream stuck with me. His refusal to settle for life on the ground inspired me to refuse to let life weigh me down either.
The life we live in this house has some seriously heavy stuff involved, particularly when it comes to the care and keeping of my quadriplegic, nonverbal, epileptic son. As a mom I’ve worked hard to seek joy and choose it so my kids can have a home filled with laughter, lightness of heart, and freedom from what could otherwise weigh us down. We are finding our wings in spite of our wrinkles.
I’m a sports mom, a music mom, a busy mom, a loving mom, and an imperfect mom. It’s nice to meet you!
P.S. If anyone out there knows the name of the painter of my elephant, I would LOVE to hear form them! My dream is to meet them and let them know how their work has impacted me.
They were the boy band who started it all. Who would have thought there would be so much parenting advice to find in their music? “Come together” with me for fun and some surprising tidbits of wisdom.
1) Let it Be
“Speak these words of wisdom, let it be.” My four-year-old was supposedly playing dinosaurs in her brother’s room. I peeked in. She had taken the liquid hand soap from the bathroom and saturated his wood floor with it. “Mommy look! I’m ice skating!” she gleefully announced as she slopped through the gobbledy gloop. There was a lot I could have said. So I made a cup of coffee and gave her a towel and said, “Well, when you’re done dry it up, okay?” Did I have to dry most of it myself? You betcha! Did I die though? Nope. Is my daughter creative and happy? Yep. Sometimes you just gotta let it be.
2) There is a time to cry for Help!
There is no shame in this, mamas! When my son was diagnosed with a disability I felt like I couldn’t even stand, let alone help him. Little did I know there were heroes in this community. I soon met other moms with more experience, who knew what to say and how to mentor me though the fear and anxiety of those early days. Teachers with a passion for special education took my son by the hand and patiently helped him grow and helped me understand his needs and what our next steps would be. The same thing has happened when I’ve reached out for help for myself and my other children. Sometimes life is hard. We all need community. We are stronger together.
3)Don’t be Afraid
Whether your name is Jude or not! Fear-based parenting, like fear-based anything, will rob your joy and cause you to miss out on opportunities. Be wise, but be courageous. Have that tough conversation with your teen. Show up even when your feelings are hurt. Offer yourself to your kids every day, be vulnerable and genuine even when it’s hard. Your kids will trust and respect your sincerity. In time they will emulate it. We all want to raise courageous and genuine kids. So “don’t be afraid.”
4)Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders.
**(Maybe I’m cheating by using two lines from the same song but I don’t care ’cause Hey Jude is chock full of precious gems of wisdom. I could write a whole blog about just that song but I digress.)
Life is heavy, guys. You can not carry it all alone. When your child is in the hospital and your child is also home, lay down the weight of trying to be in two places at once. When you’re burning the candle at both ends to provide for your loved ones, go to bed once in a while. Give yourself grace. Give yourself rest. Give yourself kindness. And all those things you can’t control? Lay them down too. It will be okay. You’re showing up for your family. You’re already doing all you can and all you have to do. Don’t carry it all around all the time. It would be too heavy even for Superwoman.
5)There’s nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be.
Read that again. And again. You know that feeling when you’re rocking the baby but she won’t settle and there’s a mountain of dishes and at least eighteen loads of laundry and a report due in the morning and then your husband wants attention and then your dog comes and pukes on the carpet and then your toddler dips their cookie in it? Me too. You’re even meant to be there. In our jobs killing it, in our rocker nurturing, at the sink washing dishes, on the floor scrubbing the stink out, on a date night — every moment of our life from the mundane to the insane is purposed. Live in the moment, live it in confidence. Soak in the now. Well, maybe don’t really soak in the puke, but you get what I’m trying to say.
6)All you need is love. Love is all you need.
Over the years I’ve heard pontificating about how love isn’t all you need. I heard someone say, you also need respect, trust, strength, forgiveness. Let me ask you something, if you love someone won’t all of those things flow from the love? Look into your baby’s smiling face. He’s biting your nipple and pooping explosive diapers on the couch and spitting up on your blouse. Not respectful. Not strong. Not even super loyal, unless he’s hungry. But is there anyone in this world that you love more? I doubt it. Does he love you back? Without a doubt it’s love that gazes up at you with those adoring eyes in those sweet quiet moments. Do you need anything else after all? Maybe nipple cream, definitely chocolate, but mostly love. (It’s even true about terrible twos, threenagers and hangry teens! It’s just the love that keeps us going mama!)
Honorable mentions
I could go on and on because I love the Beatles. So many parenting references in their songs!
Honorable mention goes to:
Admiral Halsey: “I had another look and I had a cup of tea and a butter pie.” Those are the days.
“I want to hold your hand,” especially in the parking lot, and when I’m trying to pee alone.
“Here comes the (son)…” into my bed at 3am with pee soaked pajamas.
Yellow Submarine: “Full speed ahead it is…action station, action station!” So daily!
Come Together: “Shoot me shoot me shoot me…” Some days are like that.
“Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play, now I need a place to hide away…” post-baby lovers know how true this one is!
I think this verse from “Nothing’s Gonna Change My World” might sum up parenting most perfectly, so in closing: “Sounds of laughter, shades of life are ringing through my open ears, inciting and inviting me. Limitless, undying love which shines around me like a million suns, it calls me on and on…”
My kids and I are the proud pet parents of two chinchillas, five fishies and a frog. Currently we are setting up supplies for a soon-to-be leopard gecko. Feels like a zoo around here sometimes — a joint effort on the part of the animals and the kids — but it’s our happy place and we wouldn’t change it.
Owning pets with kids isn’t a small decision. Let’s dive into some pros and cons and see if pet ownership is right for your family.
If you’re an animal lover there are more pros than cons, so we’ll start with those.
Pets bring joy and comfort. Our furry and scaly friends offer us love and soft snuggles. Their antics provide and endless source of entertainment and chuckles. Watching our aquarium is transportation to another world and adds a serene ambiance to our home. I could gaze at them all day.
Caring for pets teaches kids responsibility. If your children are at an age that they can do things for themselves, they can do things for their pets and experience the rewards. They learn to do the work for their animal’s loyal companionship and the satisfaction of keeping their animals happy and healthy. That’s a valuable life lesson.
Research has shown that pets are good for your health! According to the CDC, pet owners experience decreased cholesterol levels and lower blood pressure, reducing their risk of heart attack and stroke. They tend to get more exercise and be less lonely. This may lead to longer life and decreased stress, but we didn’t need research to tell us pets make us feel better.
Sensory stimulation. I have a son who is nonverbal and quadriplegic. He loves watching our fish and laughs hysterically when anything furry is placed in his lap, whether it’s his therapy dog from school or a chinchilla. Even kids without special needs require a certain amount of sensory input for healthy development. Pets are an excellent source of this.
Now for the cons.
Pets are expensive. Even if you adopt from a shelter, ultimately pets are expensive. Their food, enrichment items like toys and chews, and the occasional vet bill whether expected or not, all add up. Your furry companions may pay dividends in love and loyalty, but your budget is something to consider.
Pets are a lot of work. This is the other side of the coin of teaching responsibility. If your kid drops the ball (or the pooper scooper), someone has to pick up the slack. Usually that’s mom or dad, so be sure your schedule has room for the tasks that keep your pet happy and healthy.
It involves some risk. How much or little varies widely depending on the type of animal you choose and how you acquire them. Some animals have a more aggressive nature. There’s a chance, albeit a small one, that you end up with the grumpiest cat in the litter, or the dog who likes to chew couches. These issues can be addressed to a point, and if you choose wisely this isn’t a likely scenario.
At the right time, pet ownership can be a great decision. We hope these pros and cons make it easier to tell if this is the time for your family.
I lose sleep over back to school every year, but this year has taken it to a whole new level. I’m a single mom of three, so I have to work. Virtual and home school aren’t options for us, and I know many of you are in the same boat. How are we keeping this boat afloat as we send our little ones into the classroom again?
We can do this! We have always managed to do what we had to do for our kids and this will be no different. You are stronger than you know, because each day you are as strong as you have to be.
To help myself through this, I put together a list of practical ways to combat the worry — and the virus. I’m not running from this. I’m taking courage and wisdom in both hands and charging forward against this new invisible enemy. Covid can’t have my kids or my courage.
At the risk of becoming white noise (another Covid 19 post? Groan!), here’s my list.
Practice hand washing with your kids now. That way you can have confidence they are washing properly. The peace of mind gained in this proactive action worth the effort.
Mary Poppins was right when she sang, “In every job that must be done there is an element of fun.” It even goes for masks. Introducing the Don’t Touch My Mask Game: Have everyone in your house wear one and make it a game to try to trick each other to take them off. “Want to trade masks? Mine is really cool!” The person has to respond, “Don’t touch my mask!” First person to remove their own mask sits down. It’s just a silly fun game of scenarios that might prepare them for things they will encounter at school.
Vitamin C power! The experts say that Vitamin C helps reduce a person’s risk of contracting Covid 19. My worry meter goes way down when I’m proactively doing all I can, so we take our vitamins daily. (Disclaimer: I’m not a medical professional and nothing I say should be taken in place of advice from your doctor.)
Find a fun sanitizer for their back pack. If possible let them choose. Berry scented in a butterfly clip/holder will go a long way to motivate them to sanitize! And that, my friend, will go a long way for mama’s peace of mind!
The final item on my list is for mental and emotional well-being. Take time daily to meditate and journal about the good things in your life. Teach your children how, and do it as a family. We have a choice each day to focus on hope and gratitude instead of fear and worry. Many days it’s easier said than done, but practice makes better, even with our thoughts and feelings.
Well, friends, I’m no guru. Just a mom trying to make it through a hard situation the best I can. If my list was good for you, let me know. If you have other ideas you’d like to share, drop a comment. We are all learning together and here to encourage each other. Now grab your sanitizer and mask and let’s give back to school 2020 more than it bargained for!
I hated that question when I graduated from high school. I had no idea what my plans were.
Some people are so fortunate to know where they are going and what they want to do. Or so they think. Life has a way of upsetting our best laid plans either way.
Putting one foot in front of the other consistently has helped me to keep moving forward. Some days it feels like I’m crawling through a smoky room gasping my way to an escape, and other days feel like I’m sprinting for an Olympic medal. One may be slower than the other, but both require all of me. All my focus, strength, and energy in that singular moment, no thought of the next.
I felt like I was in that smoky room when my firstborn was diagnosed with a lifelong disability that would affect him severely. My head reeled with questions about…everything. How would he eat? What could he eat? Would he EVER sleep? Would he speak? Walk? Learn? How do I handle seizures? I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face. I couldn’t breathe. Would we make it out alive?
It’s been over a decade since then and I wouldn’t say I’m on an Olympic sprint. It’s more of a marathon: steady forward motion, and in it for the long run. My life doesn’t look the way I expected it to when I graduated from high school. You know what though? It actually looks better.
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
How do you climb a mountain? One step at a time.
How do you make it out alive? One breath at a time.
How do you find your purpose? You don’t.
Life isn’t a journey of finding ourselves. It’s a journey of giving ourselves. When we give ourselves fully to every day we live, our purpose exists in and through us for as long as we live. Sometimes after.
Keep giving all you have to give. Life is for the long run.
Once upon a time, light keepers stood guard over the treacherous shores of the world. They were a stalwart breed, often staying up all night long to fire cannons at 15-minute intervals, and to be sure the jagged shoals were well-lit for ships in danger. One WW2 era light keeper was even responsible for alerting the civil service of a German U-boat he spotted offshore of his town! This was dangerous work. That’s why they needed lighthouses to begin with, and someone had to do the courageous, difficult, and tiresome task of making sure they never failed. Without the light keepers, unguided seamen and women would have perished.
Our children have lights inside of them. Creativity, personality, ideas, and voices that are placed in the world at the right time, for a purpose, to shine out. They are surrounded by dark and stormy waters, winds that threaten to steer them off course and snuff out their light. These hazards come in different forms: social media, bullying, negative peer pressure. It can feel as if the world is screaming so loud that the right voice and path are shrouded in the fog. Frightened little seafarers lose their way.
We are our children’s light keepers. In a world where the roaring thunder and waves threaten to drown us out, we call out to them by the act of offering our presence. When the fog rolls in, and they struggle to know their next steps, we fire the cannon all through the night to lead them in the right direction, by checking in with them and staying connected. In a world where the lightning makes us all want to run and hide, we stand tall and allow the rain and sometimes hail to pelt against our backs, ever reminding them that this storm like all the others will blow over, and when it’s passed they will be safe ashore. We do that by remaining confident and courageous, holding on to our hope and refusing to let go any more than a sailor releases his grip on the ropes of the sail in a storm.
It may not be comfortable. Light keepers stood in wind and rain, thunder and lightning, at the mercy of the elements. Their own lives were in peril as they stayed their post throughout the night. They knew the importance of perseverance.
Likewise, talking to our kids is not always comfortable. Some topics are difficult and some seasons of life and growth don’t lend themselves to connection. Remember this when that preteen slams a door, or when that 8-year-old rolls their eyes, or when that toddler is screaming instead of using words. It’s not going to be easy, but without us their ships are in danger of sinking. Keep knocking on that door, heck walk right in. Keep hugging, playing games, asking how they’re doing. Listen to the answers. Beneath every one is a need for direction, and you have the map. Persevere, though the wind may howl and the ocean sting against your face.
Kindling and rekindling the lights inside our children is an ongoing and treacherous task. Our words to them and in their presence have the power to fill their sails or sink them. Our examples and how we sail our own ships can either smash them on the rocks or guide them into safe harbor. So keep your own light kindled too. You can’t light their lantern with no flame of your own.
If we are steadfast and stalwart, we will raise children who light the world for others one day. It will be worth the sleepless nights and wind torn sails. It will be worth everything we have.
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