An Unassuming New Year

by | Dec 31, 2020 | Parenting

I had resolutions back in January 2020.

I had summertime plans.

I had a job that I loved, that I got to go and do every day. (Thankfully, we are back in person, for the time being.)

Then the world as we knew it changed…in almost an instant.

We woke one morning and schools were closed. Suddenly, we were “zooming” (literally and figuratively) and not nearly with such a positive connotation that the word held for in me in the old order of the world. Every morning Zooming with my children’s classes, with my work family…AND zooming around the house trying to keep the kids from destroying everything, everyday.

My heart fell daily, reading story after sad story of the ways this unexpected virus was ravaging our nation and world, the hearts it was breaking, the families it was keeping apart. I cried a lot. I think we all did.

Fear burst in. With a child who (among other special needs) is not a strong deep-breather, who has been hospitalized in the past due to apparently lesser infections than this one, I did not feel safe out there and it was a struggle to even feel safe in here — in our little world growing ever smaller, in our cocoon of pretended security.

Something happens when you feel too safe, and too sheltered. Not good things. Without connections to other humans, we start to sink. Without any risks being taken, we inevitably lose something of value. We start to lose heart. We start to lose courage. We need each other, to “spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”

We gardened.

We called friends and family…a lot.

We read stories of lands far away and much more magical than ours, and stories of brave humans of the past who encountered challenges that they overcame. (Not easy stuff, but it helped us feel braver.)

We held each other longer each night before bed and we sang a little louder to our favorite songs.

We baked way too much and it showed around the middle, at least, for this mama bear.

All my resolutions fell by the wayside, one by one.

Get fit? Didn’t happen, but we took a lot of nature walks and planted flowers in our garden.

Eat healthier? This one, I haven’t decided, because cooking from scratch a lot more than usual resulted in overall healthier choices…and ice cream for dinner a little more often too, and the snacking. So much snacking. Maybe we at least broke even.

As quarantine wore on, and on, it became all too clear that resolutions and plans and vacation and gatherings were all but a loss.

Many people lost much more and they remain in our hearts and prayers.

What did we gain?

We gained awareness that this life of ours is not in our control. We gained time together, as a family, to reconnect and learn together.

We gained freedoms, strange to say when most of us felt very trapped, but it was the freedom to notice the little things more than we ever did before.

We gained humility, or tried to, as we were reminded all too starkly of our own mortality and how quickly life can change. This has always been true, but this year the truth surfaced like an underground volcano erupting without warning all over the world.

I hope we gained gratitude for every moment, every day, and every person we love and care for. Even the roughest days won’t seem so bad after all this, will they? I’m just so glad you’re still here. I’m just so glad we’re still together.

People keep asking the million dollar question…when will it end? Will 2021 be a better year?

The truth is, we don’t know. We never really knew before, only we may be more aware of that now than we were before.

I’m not writing down resolutions this year, or making advance plans, or grand proclamations. I’m thanking God that we made it this far, to today. I’m grieving those who did not. I’m accepting that I never will have a view on the future, and allowing myself to just be.

Onward, like a good soldier. Forward, like a trusting child. Unassuming of whatever the new year may hold in store. Thankful, for today.

Wishing you all a blessed new year, full of love, surrounded by family and friends, healthy and safe.

Christmas Grows Up

by | Dec 27, 2020 | Parenting

Only yesterday all they wanted were the characters from PJ Masks for Christmas. Little cars zoomed around as my little ones created “headquarters” out of pillows and acted out stories on the living room floor.

This year my son received and is reading the fourth book in the Harry Potter series, he also received a difficult Lego set that he constructed without help over a two-day period. My daughter created art projects and played games of strategy that were among her gifts.

Christmas is growing up in our house.

My oldest, with special needs, will always truly be my baby, smiling and squealing as he opened a set of Top Gun jets. I treasure those moments, but my mind remembers Christmases spent cuddling infants and sending excited toddlers back to bed for just a little longer.

They aren’t even very old yet. I look into their eyes and the sparkle is still there. The creativity, the magic, and the childish excitement for the season.

They are learning the truth that giving is more blessed than receiving, and it fills me with awe to see their joy in choosing and wrapping presents for their younger cousins and for each other.

My second oldest took the time this year to help his brother unwrap and play with his presents before he even touched his own.

Christmas is growing up because the children are growing up. They are maturing into thoughtful, caring, loving humans who understand the real reason for the season is God’s love.

I can’t say that I’m sad about it. After all, they are growing up into the kind of people I have prayed and strived that they might become. They are still young and we have more Christmases at home together, I know, many more.

Given how fast these years have flown by though, I won’t deny there’s a little pang in my heart as I watch them. I want to snuggle on the couch a little longer this time. I want to bake one more batch of your favorite cookies and watch that old sentimental movie again, with cups of hot cocoa in hand. I want you to always be my babies, at least at Christmas time.

My parents are at the other side of these years. My youngest sister became engaged right before Christmas and my brother and his wife welcomed their first child in November. With all the grace and wisdom they own, my parents spent the holiday season creating joy with their grandchildren and reminded me that the years go by so fast.

They didn’t need to. I folded and gave away her outgrown elf pajamas from last year, and I noticed that he hasn’t touched his dinosaur figures in a little too long. The years go by, Christmas by Christmas, and all we can do as parents is love them the best we can, hold them as long as we can, and show them how to walk in grace and wisdom, and especially, love.

Merry Christmas, from our home to yours. Wish you all the love and hope the season has to offer, even in the midst of such a troubled year. Hold the ones you love a little longer. Be blessed.